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A self-help guide to giving and receiving feedback
Great feedback at work is not about criticism or evaluation. It is about helping each other grow, collaborate better, and build a strong feedback culture.
But feedback only works when people feel safe enough to listen and stay open. That is why it is crucial to understand the difference between being in the green zone (ready for dialogue) and the red zone (hijacked by emotions and defensiveness).
Professional feedback is a process through which a person develops their professional habits and routines through conversations with others who have observed the consequences of their behaviour and work. Feedback is an offer of extra eyes and an extra brain.
And power can never be removed from the feedback relationship. At work, there are always unequal power dynamics, and we need to acknowledge this, if feedback is going to have the desired effect.
Some companies and organisations invest heavily in training employees in feedback and building a feedback culture where it feels natural to ask others for feedback. For others, both giving and asking for feedback is unfamiliar territory. In this article, you will get a practical ABC guide to feedback, both for those giving feedback and those receiving it. The article is by no means exhaustive in terms of what proper training can do, but it offers a simple ABC for good feedback that you can start using right away.
If you prefer reading in Danish, you can find the Danish version here.
The Green Zone: The Foundation of Great Feedback
Before we dive into the ABC, there is one question more important than all the others: Are you ready, or are you hijacked?
As I describe in my book, Power Barometer, Manage Personal Energy for Business Success, we mentally exist in either the green zone (ready) or the red zone (hijacked). When you are in the green zone, you can think clearly, see multiple perspectives, listen properly, and consciously choose how to respond. You are fit for collaboration. When you are in the red zone, your brain is hijacked, the amygdala has taken over, and you react automatically rather than consciously. You cannot think clearly, you struggle to hold other people’s perspectives, and your threshold for feeling attacked is much lower.
Figure: The Awareness Matrix©, Power Barometer, Josefine Campbell (2023)
Feedback given from the red zone easily becomes an attack or blame. Feedback received in the red zone easily experienced as a threat. That is why the first and most important rule is: Check the mental zone before you begin. Both for yourself and for the other person.
If you are hijacked, wait. Breathe. Go for a walk. Sleep on it. If the other person is hijacked, for example, if they have just received bad news, are in the middle of a deadline, or are clearly under pressure, knock on the door later. You lose nothing by waiting, and you gain a conversation that actually lands.
When both of you are in the green zone, the ABC below becomes your backbone.
The ABC of Great Feedback
A. The purpose of feedback is to help each other succeed. It is not a courtroom, and it is not an evaluation. It is an offer to help the other person move forward.
B. Respect each other’s personal boundaries in a feedback session. Feedback only works when it is respectful. If boundaries are crossed, the receiver shuts down — and nobody learns anything.
C. The best feedback is given and received when you have the courage to be authentic. Courage is not an optional extra; it is a prerequisite.
For Those Giving Feedback
D. Great feedback comes from your own side of the court. The person giving feedback shares observations from their own perspective without judging the receiver. Avoid saying, “I think you are…” and instead say, “When you do this, I experience it as…”
E. Useful feedback is concrete. Give as many specific examples of behaviour as possible. General praise and general criticism are equally difficult to use constructively.
F. Knock politely before giving feedback. Ask whether the other person is ready to hear your perspective — even if you are their manager. Getting permission is part of what makes feedback useful.
For Those Receiving Feedback
G. Be specific about what you want feedback on. The more precise your request, the more precise the feedback you receive.
H. Invite feedback when you think you could benefit from it. Do not hold back. Most people appreciate that you are interested in their perspective. And if they are not interested, they can always say no.
I. Sometimes the most interesting feedback comes from people where there has been friction or from people who are very different from you.
J. Listen openly and with genuine curiosity.
K. Ask questions about what is unclear, for example by requesting concrete examples.
L. Avoid arguing or explaining yourself away. You may disagree, but first treat the feedback as input and a mirror offering new angles.
M. Do not discuss the feedback giver’s motives. And do not attack the person giving you feedback.
N. Feel free to check the feedback with others. Have they seen you in the same way? How do they understand what they observed?
O. Repeat out loud, in your own words, what you heard the giver say, to check whether you understood correctly.
P. Say thank you for the feedback.
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The Ready-for-Feedback Test
Here is a useful ready-for-feedback test that supports self-awareness and gives a good indication of what it takes to have the courage to receive feedback. The test comes from Brené Brown’s book Dare to Lead, which places courage at the centre of what leadership requires.
- I am ready to sit beside you, not opposite you.
- I am willing to place the problem in front of us instead of between us (or gently push it towards you).
- I am prepared to listen, ask questions, and accept that I may not fully understand the problem.
- I am prepared to acknowledge what you are doing well instead of focusing on your mistakes.
- I see and acknowledge your strengths, and how you can use them to face your challenges.
- I can hold you accountable without shaming or blaming you.
- I am open and able to own my own part.
- Overall, I am able to thank you for your effort and work instead of criticising or finding fault.
- I can talk about how solving these challenges may lead to growth and opportunities.
- I can hold the vulnerability and openness that I expect to see from you.
Once you have answered the ten questions, count your yeses. The more yeses, the more ready you are for feedback. If you have many noes, it does not mean you should avoid feedback. It simply means you should approach it with awareness of the imperfect situation, and recognize that it may be a little harder for the feedback to land
Do You Want to Strengthen Your Feedback Culture at work?
Feedback is a discipline that improves with practice and one that can truly transform a culture when a team trains together. At Campbell Co., we facilitate Fit for Feedback workshops for leadership teams and organisations that want to build a feedback culture where people dare to say what needs to be said, in a way that lands. Contact us if you want to work more systematically with feedback in your workplace.
Start small: give one concrete piece of feedback to one colleague this week. Check the zone first. Knock before entering. Be concrete. Listen properly.
Would you like a structured model to lean on once the conversation begins? Read our next article: How to give good feedback – A 7-step feedback model.
