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As the festive lights twinkle and laughter fills the air, you arrive at the company X-mas party, greeted by familiar faces and a sense of celebration. Around you, colleagues are clinking glasses, some chatting animatedly, others relaxed and smiling. It’s a chance to unwind together, to share stories beyond the deadlines and meetings. But as the night progresses, you notice familiar patterns: a friendly conversation teeters on the edge of becoming too personal, someone’s laugh is just a bit too loud, and a few others seem slightly uncomfortable. Moments like these are subtle reminders of the invisible boundaries each person brings to the gathering. Navigating these dynamics respectfully can be challenging, especially in a social setting where personal limits vary. How can we fully enjoy the moment, connect meaningfully with colleagues, and ensure everyone feels at ease?
Company x-mas parties are a great opportunity to relax, celebrate, and connect with colleagues outside the usual work environment. However, it’s essential to be mindful of boundaries, particularly in light of different personal limits and heightened awareness about respectful interactions. By behaving with respect and awareness, everyone can enjoy the festivities in a safe and welcoming environment.
In this article you will get a few advice on how this year’s X-mas party can be a success. I’d like to invite you to share it on LinkedIn, your intranet or wherever you share inspirational content with your team, and add your own reflections, so that your colleagues and team can see what your thoughts are too. Feel free to tag me when you post, so I can engage with you.
If you prefer reading in Danish, you can read the version right here.
Understanding Boundaries in a Festive Setting
Navigating personal boundaries at a party can be tricky, especially when excitement and social dynamics are high. In 12 Tools for Managing a Selfish Leader / Maries Sejr, we discuss three modes of personal boundaries in professional relationships, which also apply in social settings:
- Distance: Both parties maintain personal boundaries without much connection.
- Overlapping: Boundaries blur, leading to dependency or overstepping.
- Connecting: Each person relates with respect, maintaining their own space and sense of self.
In a party setting, the ideal approach is Connecting. Much like Marie in the books, who learns to set clear boundaries with her selfish boss, everyone at a holiday event can benefit from maintaining their comfort and respecting others’. Connecting without overstepping fosters an environment where everyone can relax and have fun, feeling secure in their personal space.
3 Steps to Enjoy Xmas Parties While Respecting Personal Boundaries
1. Tune In and Set Your Boundaries
Setting personal boundaries before the event helps keep interactions respectful:
- Know your own limits with alcohol, avoiding any pressure to overindulge. Just as Marie has to find her own balance and resist pressures from her boss, you can set limits that suit your comfort zone.
- Stay mindful of personal space; being aware of others’ comfort zones shows respect for boundaries in a way that makes everyone feel safe.
2. Stay Aware of Cues and Adapt
Just as Marie begins to notice and adapt to her boss’s cues to manage a positive relationship, staying aware of social cues at a holiday party is key. People have different levels of comfort in social situations, and tuning into the overall atmosphere helps you connect without crossing lines:
- Pay attention to subtle cues, like body language, as Marie learns to read Martin’s changing moods. This awareness shows you’re attuned to others’ comfort levels.
- Respect physical space, even if the setting becomes energetic or crowded, to help everyone feel relaxed and respected.
3. Connect Without Overstepping
X-mas parties offer a chance to connect personally. Respecting others’ space is fundamental to good leadership and healthy relationships:
- Engage in light-hearted, inclusive conversations rather than diving into sensitive or personal topics. Similar to how Marie learns to engage her team positively, focus on holiday plans, memorable year highlights, or other uplifting topics.
- Ask for consent before sharing photos on social media or involving others in photos; like Marie, who learns to communicate openly about expectations, checking in with colleagues first shows consideration for their preferences.
- Don’t touch or move close to people without consent when dancing or interacting with colleagues, especially people who are below you in the hierarchy, make sure that you are invited to move closer before you do. It is better to be safe than sorry, so if in doubt keep a physical distance.
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A Safe-Test Approach to Social Boundaries
Using our Safe-Test approach©, you can experiment gently with boundaries in social settings. Just as Marie tests new communication strategies with her boss, you can:
- Analyze: Form a hypothesis based on how others might feel in the situation, considering perspectives beyond your own.
- Experiment: Test your assumption by starting with a casual, respectful approach. For example, if a colleague seems uncomfortable with party activities, invite open feedback and observe their reactions.
- Learn: Reflect on what worked and didn’t, gathering insights to refine your approach in future interactions.
This Safe-Test approach, encourages continuous learning and reflection, helping you stay respectful and adaptable while connecting with others in a social setting.
Cultivating a Respectful and Enjoyable Atmosphere
In any setting, but particularly at festive gatherings, mutual respect and curiosity about others’ boundaries go a long way. As Marie’s Sejr demonstrates, staying mindful and respecting personal boundaries builds trust and allows everyone to feel seen and valued. By being considerate of individual comfort zones, you create a positive, enjoyable experience for everyone.
In every process we do emphasize on testing behaviors in practice using the SAFE test approach, no matter if it is a 1-1 coaching, group coaching or if you join our leadership development community. Because it is when you try out new behaviors in practice that the magic happens, and you improve your results.
Understanding people’s boundaries is something you will get better and better at once you start paying attention following this approach.
Much like Marie learns to develop self-awareness and recognize others’ needs, embracing a thoughtful approach to connecting, respecting cues, and setting boundaries enables you to celebrate the holidays with confidence, respect, and joy.
Do you also face a challenge that is difficult to solve? Then I’m happy to have a chat. You can take a closer look at me as a coach or our leadership community
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